Cop Brutality
by narwhalpuppy
Summary: Police Officers Ren Hoek and Stimpy J. Cat interrogate a possible murderer. From a Kids In The Hall comedy sketch.


Unlike my other Ren and Stimpy fanfictions, this one is short. Only this time it is a take on the Kids In The Hall sketch Cop Interrogation!

Ren and Stimpy Presents

A Narwhal Puppy Production

Cop Brutality

It was 6 pm at the local police precient. Police Officers Ren Hoek and Stimpy J. Cat caught and arrested a seedy looking bare chested bald man dressed in a leather vest, blue jeans, tattoos and biker boots. Ren and Stimpy had their suspect in the interview room ready to ask him questions about the murder. Sirens were heard in the distance. Stimpy was eating a doughnut while Ren had a tape recorder.

"We'd like you to be very comfortable so you can confess!" said Ren.

Stimpy was nervously straightening his tie while eating a doughnut. "Would you like some coffee or a high proteen snack?" offered Ren to the suspect.

"Hows about some chicken wings!" spouted Stimpy. Ren slaps Stimpy shortly afterward. "Cheecken Weengs?! You offer a posseeble murderer CHEECKEN WEENGS!" Ren shook Stimpy until the cat grew senseless.

The suspect asked, "How about a TV?" Ren and Stimpy stared blankly at one another.

Minutes went on as the suspect and even Ren and Stimpy were watching the Muddy Mudskipper show.

"Eh, you dirty bum!" Muddy Mudskipper said on his show. The suspect was laughing at the show as was the suspect. Before long, Ren and Stimpy were too. Ren turned off the TV then gulped his coffee. "A commercial was comeeng on!" Getting his recorder ready Ren asked, "Deed you keel that guy?" Denying he had anything to do with the murder the suspect stated, "NO!" The suspect got up from the chair as he tried to adjust the attennas to the TV. "You guys got cable?" the suspect asked. Stimpy stepped up trying to be assertive but failing, "What do you think this is? A Pizza Party? A Doughnut shop? A burger joint?!" The suspect sneered at Stimpy who got scared and shrieked then turned the TV back onto the Muddy Mudskipper show.

Hours have passed as it was now 11 pm. Still not getting a confession. Ren sits by the suspect on one side, and Stimpy on the other. They decided to try another approach. Ren says, "Hey, Steempy! You know! I keelled a guy!" Stimpy responded excitedly, "Really? You know what? ME TOO!" "Eet was fun!" bragged Ren chugging his coffee. "Yeah it is! We all do it now and then!" Stimpy said chomping on his doughnut. The fat brown, blue nosed cat scooched over his chair and was putting his arm around the suspect and getting into his face with an awkward smile. "Hows about you?" "Nope." the suspect answered. "Guess thee peer pressure theeng only works for smokeeng!" said Ren. Stmpy agrees, "Yes, it's a kid thing." The suspect reaches out and grabs a cigarette. Ren takes away the lighter then slams it on the table and the suspect lights it and laughs.

It was now 10:00 am. A voice over says, "Here are some scenes from last week's episode!

Ren flies up to the suspects face and yells, "Deed you keel that guy?" The suspect responds, "NO!" "Deed you keel that guy?" yelled Ren jumping into mid air. "NO!" yelled the suspect back. "Deed you keel that guy?" shouted Ren shaking the suspect's shoulders. "NO!" the suspect screams. "DEED YOU KEEL THAT GUY!" Ren screamed as he grabbed the suspect by his leather vest. "NO!" Ren got a hammer and pointed it to the suspect's crotch which didn't phase the suspect at all. "DEED YOU KEEL THAT GUY!" "NO!" Growing indignant, and out of breath. Ren demands Stimpy to try to get a confession from the suspect. "Here, Steempy! You take a crack at thees!" "Sure thing, Ren!" said Stimpy happily skipped. Stimpy turns around and eyes the suspect, "Did you kiss that guy!" Ren grabs Stimpy and slaps him, "It's KEEL YOU EEDIOT! KEEL!" "Oh, kill! That's right! Sorry about that! Did you kill that guy?" asked Stimpy in a ecstatic tone. "For the umpteeth time, NO!" yelled the suspect.

Not wanting to give up, still trying to get a confession. Stimpy was on top of Ren piggyback style. "Deed you keel that guy?" "NOPE!" A suspenseful musical tone was heard. Trying to trick the suspect, Ren pointed to the ceiling, "LOOK!" The suspect looked at the ceiling for five seconds. "Deed you keel that guy?" Ren asked again. Then they tried dancing and singing, "Did you kill that guy!" sang Ren and Stimpy both. "NOPE!" the suspect kept answering.

A voiceover is heard outside the interview room. "And now this weeks exciting conclusion!"

Hours turned into days. Ren and Stimpy were still trying to get a confession. "Deed you keel that guy?" asked Ren once more. "NOPE!" the suspect said. "Boy, this guy is tough!" said Stimpy. Then the dog and cat walked behind where they had the suspect sitting. Stimpy not knowing what else to do said, "Hmmm, welllll..."

It was now 9:00 pm at the precient. The suspect was smoking a cigar. Before they knew it, Ren and Stimpy were smoking cigars too all because the suspect had them both too distracted. Stimpy was smoking the cigarette through his nose. "Good for the lungs!" boasted Ren. "Cool and refreshing!" cheered Stimpy. "Smokeeng eenjoymeent goes on and on!" Ren said contentedly. "Smoking! Extra last! Extra long!" Stimpy laughed. "I'm alive weeth pleasure!" Ren chuckled. "Double Your Pleasure! Double your fun!"

Stimpy giggled himself silly. Powdered Toast Man was in the interview room joining in on their smoking too. Stimpy said, "What are YOU doing here?" "Can't a superhero have a smoke break too! Without being judged?" spewed the oblivious superhero with a toast face.

1:00 am was now the time. Mr. Horse who was the police captain enters the interview room only to see Ren and Stimpy with a phone book Ren held to the suspect's face. "Anyone seen my phone book?" asked Mr. Horse. "Uh, sure!" said Stimpy. "We found thee number we were lookeeng for!" said Ren. Mr. Horse was pleased, "Great great great! Hey listen! Did you hear they found that guy that killed that other guy?"

Looking at each other pensively, Ren and Stimpy said, "yes yes yes!" Mr. Horse looks at the suspect. "What's this guy's story?" Stimpy came up with an answer, "He's an old friend from...uh...uh...uh...HIGH SCHOOL!" Stimpy pointed in the air. "We were remembering the overhead projector." Stimpy added. "You damned pigs!" whispered then spat the suspect. Mr. Horse tries to pull out his gun. Ren said, "He was always thee class clown that he was!" The suspect vows, "I'm going to sue you pigs for police brutality!" Ren and Stimpy laugh at the suspect as Mr. Horse leaves.

The suspect begins to laugh as he cackled like a maniac. Ren and Stimpy join in on the laughter.

"Class Clown!" cracked up Stimpy.

"Overhead Projector!" gaffawed Ren.

They all laugh together as the suspect turned out the lights.

"What happeneed to the lights!" yelled Ren.

"Is it bedtime now?" asked Stimpy obliviously.

Then strangling, punching blows, kicks, and spatting sounds were heard.

The End

The Proceeding Has Been a Narwhal Puppy Production!


End file.
